Coaching by Stillwater Blog

Comfort with Incompetence

Several weeks ago, someone quoted Steve Covey saying that we need to learn to be comfortable with the feeling of "incompetence."

Interestingly, my immediate reaction was relief.

How much of our life do we spend posturing as "experts?" What a burdensome perspective if it is the only one we choose.

Often, I've talked about the importance of exploring different perspectives of an issue. When confronted with a difficult situation, we often get caught up in one perspective. Everything that has happened in support of that perspective serves as proof that "it is right." Of course, those things that would not support the perspective are conveniently disregarded.  Taking time to explore several different and often opposing perspectives helps us learn the different dimensions of the truth of a situation.

Carrying the perspective that I am an "expert," really is interesting. When I think about it, it makes me feel like I am responsible for always being right. If I discover I am not, then I have to don a mask or hope that no one noticed the error. As I think about my beliefs on this perspective, they look pretty silly.

When I heard the concept of "get comfortable with the feeling of incompetence," it really opened some possibilities. If I am "incompetent," that means I can lower my personal expectations of myself.  Others probably aren't holding me to the same standard I thought they were. PLUS I get to be a learner again! Think of it. Someone who is incompetent and knows it, gets to learn, sharpen their skills, expand horizons, and play with new ideas fully expecting to make mistakes.

It is really cool not having to be "right," but just be curious.  

How does it strike you to think of yourself as incompetent, especially in an area where you believed you were an "expert?"

What other perspective might be considered as you look at what you believe you need to know or be known as?

rbc

Deep Freeze

It's been rather cold again around the first day of 2010 making it hard to get motivated to go outside. Our little dog, Lilly, doesn't seem to mind until she "locks up." I think her paws get cold making it hard to move and, forget standing or walking on all four paws.

There is a pleasure that comes with the contrast of bright sun on super cold days. While the days are short, and the sun travels low, the brightness that penetrates the house during the day alleviates some of the chills.

We are in the darkness of the year. It is a great time of year to think about how important light is to all mankind. Without light, life gets pretty dull and gloomy. I know I have a hard time keeping my motivation up when things are almost always dark. Going to work in the dark and getting home after dark is hard.

During this time, it is probably useful to reflect on sources of "light" in our lives. Also, it is a time to reflect on how we are being "light" for others.

Be a beacon!

rbc

Geese in the Distance

I see a flock of geese in the distance flying over a field of wheat stubble. It’s a Wednesday morning, driving along a remote road in northwest Minnesota. The geese seem to organize themselves, but apparently dissatisfied, they split, regroup and try to form again. I know they aren’t just practicing. This dance is for real. It’s the start of their journey south.

There is magnificence in their dance.  The rhythm and flow can be seen for miles, yet probably goes unnoticed except by their creator and one or two people on this autumn morning.

As I race south for another appointment, I remember as a youngster in South Dakota watching ducks and geese fly over, settle in swamps and cornfields. Year after year, the excitement of the migration grew in September, peaked and then waned with the last of the birds flying south when the winds on the prairie got bitterly cold with spitting snow.

Last spring,  I watched a flock of snow geese gliding into a shallow, reed lined lake near Britton, South Dakota. That too, reminded me of growing up in the country. As these birds settled onto the water, I thought how much I missed seeing the seasons.

I have this sense of having missed so much nature and her seasons by sitting in an office building or just being too busy to notice. Yet, I now realize how much I treasure that which might have become mundane had I never left.

I catch myself six months later, noticing again that there is so much going on, day in and day out that shouts “LIFE!”

My work gives me distances to drive in country. I get to savor it with eyes of appreciation and new memories rediscovered. Now is the time to hear those shouts and take notice.

Take time to notice, to watch geese in the distance.

August Light

This is a beautiful August day.

There is something about the light that changes in August. I’ve never been able to put words to it, but as a youngster, I always remember getting a sinking feeling with August light. Summer was almost over and cold would be settling in. Year after year, I recall the sudden arrival of August light.

Summers were busy.

My friend, Greg and I would float on the boat for hours on end, soaking our toes in the warm water of Lake Kampeska.

Sometimes we’d take an occasional bike ride to Stony Point to trade in beer and pop bottles we found along the way. There were always enough to fund a game of pool and a candy bar or a bottle of Coke.

It was a relaxed busy. Summers always made it seem like everything was right.

August light told me that I’d better enjoy it while it lasted. It would soon be over. It was a sinking feeling whenever I noticed it, so it was hard to enjoy anything.

The thing that was looming was school; the bus ride to town, sitting in a desk, homework, dark winter evenings, cold and blowing snow. There wasn’t much that I enjoyed after school started in the fall. It was a time to get busy about the work of preparing for life.

Somewhere over the years of high school, college and work, I lost touch with August light.

But it’s back. Today is an August light day. I have to admit, I’ve been seeing August light since May this year. Something has changing. I’m noticing the end of Summer and the beginning of Autumn. It’s time to get about the work of life. It's time to get ready for what’s next.

© 2009 - Robert B. Cummins – Stillwater Consulting, Inc.

What does it mean to have a pure heart?

I remember as a kid going swimming in the lake by our home. Midsummer water was more than tolerable.

It was murky too.

Wading out to deep water could be tough on the feet.

I couldn’t see the bottom so,  I learned to shuffle along so as to feel the bottom with my feet. Sometimes, it was smooth and sandy and I felt really confident and moved faster, even though I couldn’t see where I was stepping. However, within inches I might step into mud or slip on a moss covered stone, stub my toe, or step on a sharp rock.

Murky water of the soul

There are times when the “water of my soul” is murky. I shuffle along; quite confident, thinking things are going well. Even though I should realize I can’t see clearly, my over confidence causes me to stumble or slip on unforeseen obstacles.

These are the times when I am so focused on work, or some silly distraction, that I don’t pay attention to how I am living my life or where I may be stepping.

“Give me a pure heart”

In a prayer written by Dag Hammarskjold, the former General Secretary of the United Nations, is the plea, “Give me a pure heart that I may see thee.”

 Purity is not the first thing I think of when I pray. Reflecting on the concept of what is visible in purity versus when things are cloudy makes me wonder why I don’t beg for purity as well.  

What is purity? Why desire purity?  

If water is pure, you can see the bottom. The water is clear, it is transparent and one fully knows what’s in the water as well as on the bottom of the lake. If the water is not pure, it is murky; all you see is the darkness of silt. To move along, you walk blindly. With prudence you would move slowly and carefully. The foolhardy, which we all can be, move too fast, stumble and get scraped up.

There are times when my heart is anything but pure. It is interesting how I stir up the mud all on my own.

I think I know what I want.

I think I know best

But I get confused and get off course.

Things that seem logical are phony rationalizations that trap. When I hope to step on smooth sand, I grind the sole of my foot on a sharp rock.

Asking for a pure heart may seem old fashioned. These are the days of “anything goes,” disposable relationships and self satisfaction. To seek a pure heart certainly seems like an leftover from days gone by.  

Why ask for a pure heart?

Why seek purity?

It sounds too much like self denial. It sounds like sacrifice, especially in a society that encourages narcissism. How many times have we heard, “if it feels good, it must be good,” or “if it doesn’t hurt someone else, why should it matter?”

Deep inside, we know what is good and pure and we know what is not. We have been infused with this knowledge.

·         Where is there filth in our lives?

·         Why is it easier to live with the dirt than to clean it up and stay clean?

·         How does the lack of purity show up in our lives?

·         Why make a choice for something good and pure rather than self indulgence?  What is the price? What is the reward?

It is time to look for patterns that have developed over time, patterns that lead us away from the purity and clarity we desire.

© Stillwater Consulting, Inc. 2009

What moves in your heart?

In his book "A New Heart," Robert Morneau provides a daily reflection to explore eleven qualities that are worthy of each of us to develop.

Virtues are called "positive moral habits." These eleven qualities are virtues. They include:

A Pure Heart

A Humble Heart

A Heart of Love

A Heart of Faith

A Heart of Courage

A Heart of Joy

A Heart of Praise

A Heart of Gratitude

A Heart of Kindness

A Heart of Hospitality

A Heart of Hope

What moves your heart? What are you doing to to develop these qualities. Being a person of faith or not, there are certain natural qualities that serve each of us well. If we practice these qualities, we build them as positive moral habits. These positive habits have a positive impact on those around us.

Now, a bit about Robert Morneau. He is a Auxiliary Bishop of the Dioscese of Green Bay, Wisconsin. He has published many books and articles.

Time to Pause, Time to Get Ready

Most of December is spent in anticipation. It's a time to reflect on the gift we have already received and are about to receive. There are so many joys to be held and savored, yet I know the experience of being so busy trying to make things "right" that I miss the splendor of what is already at hand.

Advice for myself includes:

• Appreciate what has already been.
• Anticipate what will be.
• Enjoy the present
• Stop messing things up by trying to make them just right.

Advent is about waiting and preparing ourselves for the incarnation. It's a time to make straight the path.

Take time for those most precious to you and enjoy this special time.

Stressful Reactions

During a recent training session, we discussed how our reactions to stress cause us to use a different part of our brain. Terri Cheney,a top notch program designer, called it a "Lizard Brain" reaction.

When under stress, we hear that people go into "Fight or Flight" mode. Our reactions are actually more commonly "Freeze or Fumble" mode.

What mode are you choosing? How about your organization?

As the economy worsens, many companies and individuals act as if they are frightened. This moves us from our rational brain into our "lizard brain."

The reaction I'm seeing most often is "freeze." Listen to the language.

I was in a meeting with a multi-billion dollar, global company that is hitting significant financial goals. The people in the meeting were talking about how their company typically "freezes" spending on training and development during downturns. I've run into a number of companies who have made the decision to stop investments because of the economy. They are choosing not to advertise, stopping training initiatives, dropping sponsorships and more importantly "freezing" spending on travel, stopped investments as well as putting on a hiring freeze.

Another company, worried about the economy has been inconsistent implementing its strategies. It's almost like they have their foot on the brake and accelerator at the same time. Their lack of confidence has caused them to start messing up some of their strategies. It's like they took their eye off the ball and started to "fumble" on the execution.

These companies aren't in the fight or flight mode. These are clear examples of "freeze or fumble."

What is your company doing? Is it trying to "hunker down" for the economic woes that seem to be presenting themselves to us?

I have the great honor of working with two companies taking quite the opposite approach. They are being strategic, investing in the future while they have the chance. One of them explicitly recognizes that during the cyclical downturns in their market, they will invest in upgrades they don't have time for during the up turns. They are steps ahead of their competition when the economy gets good.

How are you approaching the current situation. Fight, flight, freeze, fumble or forward thinking?

No Space for Resentment

The news is filled with angry people injured by one injustice or another. Who do you blame? How do you get even? It isn’t uncommon to hear something to the effect that “I’m angry and someone needs to pay!” Maybe it’s part of the political climate, but I believe it’s more fundamental.

During the past few weeks, the theme of “forgiveness” has been popping up everywhere for me. I’ve wondered for days what this was about.

A TV program exposes how a family cannot get beyond a wrong and want vengeance. The program seems to encourage the resentment.

A friend was recently laid off from work, another was advised of a demotion. “You should be thankful you still have a job” was the message from yet another company to the workers who didn’t get any raises. A co-worker inadvertently slights another and starts a long lasting feud of mistrust.

Even in politics we see example after example of a politician who admits making a mistake, yet the press and opponents are not about to let it drop. Then others seem to be adept at skirting an issue.

Maybe it’s a premonition of something that will need forgiving. I am certain that I need to be forgiven and I certainly need to forgive. It almost goes without saying.

What happens when you don’t forgive? What happens when you don’t seek to be forgiven or are not forgiven for something you’ve done?

I’ve talked with a several people laid off a number of years ago from one employer. Most have moved on and have found themselves doing better than if they had stayed. Unfortunately, there are still some who hold on to the perceived injustice they have suffered.

They use every opportunity to denounce the company, former managers and leaders. There are people like this in almost any organization. You’ll find websites, blogs and discussion boards populated with anonymous former and current employees who deride and second guess every decision company management takes. Their attacks are often personal and clearly bitter.It seems to be an attempt to satiate the unquenchable thirst for revenge.

The problem is that pent up anger and resentment spills over to other areas of life. In turn, if we continue to hold on to anger and resentment, it causes others to doubt our ability to move on. Sometimes our own bitterness and anger traps us. We remain imprisoned until we unlock the door and open ourselves to forgiveness. No one else can do it for us.

• Are there resentments you are holding on to?
• What is the resentment really about? How might you be stuck in one perspective about the situation?
• Is resentment impacting other parts of your life?
• If you looked at the situation differently, what might it look like?

Exploring different ways of looking at a situation can suddenly open all sorts of positive and powerful possibilities.

Are you willing to let go, forgive and try to see things differently. Sometimes it is really difficult. Find someone to support you as you move beyond the hurt.

Universal Conspiracy

I had a recent conversation with Karen Kodzik of Cultivating Careers ( www.cultivatingcareers.com) about what makes the difference between people who tentatively and indecisively try to make a move to a new  career versus those who just leap into the unknown.

Those who are tentative often stumble on their caution. Great things seem to happen for those who jump in with both feet.

No wings, no parachute, just jump

Granted, I am not exactly your great wilderness explorer. I have to admit that I’ve stepped tentatively into roles and really floundered. However, I notice a difference when I really step into my “calling” with full commitment. Things always turn out well.

When I left my last employer in 2006, I stepped out into the unknown. There was no family income, tuition bills for my daughters were coming in along with start-up expenses for the business. Even so, I never looked back with regret nor did I questioned if this was the right move.

Things have turned out better than I would have dreamed. I am doing what I believe and where I am going almost seems laid out ahead of me. 

As I look back at my jump, I see a pattern in my life.

Commit, jump, discover

I had been a teacher and decided to go to graduate school. So, I stopped working. Mary and I moved to Phoenix and things worked out.

After graduate school, I worked for a manufacturer as international marketing manager. We had just bought our first house and my job was our only source of income. I felt it was time to leave, even though both the president and the CFO of the company asked me to stay, I quit.

No wings, no parachute, just a jump.

As I look back, there was never the “next job.” The pattern has always been “commit, jump and discover.”

Feet planted squarely in indecision

There have been times when I wasn't so committed.

When Karen and I first met several years ago, I was a “job transition” client. I thought I was committed to two things; start consulting and look for a new full time position with another company.

I remember talking with people about a job then suggesting they could hire me as a consultant if that would work better. Other times, I’d try to slip in my interest in working full time while talking with a potential consulting client.

It was an incredibly confused and inconsistent. The other person would get a quizzical look on their face and conversations led nowhere. There was no traction.

Decide

At the core of this process, I found the need to "decide." My indecision was a disservice to my partners and customers.

I decided that I could not effectively look for a job and find consulting work at the same time. After I committed to focus only on consulting, things started to happen. Eventually, the biggest opportunity that opened up to me led me back into a company for the next four years, but it only came after I had committed to consulting.

When I commit; no wings, no parachute, just jump, something happens that provides the lift to help me achieve my goals.

I am reminded of the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.” I see someone else's hand in it.