When I left the position at my last company, I left for a reason. I found that I was not living my values. Actually, I was stomping all over my values. As a result, there was such dissonance in my life, I felt I wasn't serving anyone well.
The Wake-Up
It all came home to roost when my younger daughter said, "Dad, I'd rather be poor than have you gone all the time." Whoa! Talk about a wake up call. Thank God she was able to articulate what the rest of the family was feeling and what I needed to hear.
Do you have someone in your life who articulates what you need to hear?
What values are you stepping over?
One of my strongest values is my being present to my family as husband and father. Spending almost every day of the work week travelling and then the weekends recuperating or worrying about the "stuff" at work certainly didn't support me being "present." I realized that my kids were in highschool and weren't going to be around forever. I wanted to be more present in their lives.
Choice
All of us are constantly in "choice." Everything we choose to do is also choice not to do something else.
Going along on the corporate ride WAS a choice not to be present to my family. My choice not to think about what I was doing was a choice to walk away from my values and into something I valued far less.
Shortly after my daughter's bold observation, I went through an exercise to look at multiple perspectives on my situation. This let me consciously choose how I would move forward in life rather feeling trapped or only having "one alternative." I finally made the choice I probably needed to make months earlier.
I believe there is a difference between choosing to let things happen and making choice to make things happen. With the perspective of time, I see that my choice had been to let my career and work happen to me. Now, my choice to be with family is a choice to make things happen.
So What's Riskier?
Choosing to just let things happen may seem safer.
Through this I've learned something I already knew. It is terribly risky to "just let things happen." Bit by bit, you go on a path where you've abdicated decisions and let circumstances or others make them for you. You let go of a proactive, purposeful and fulfilling life in which you fully participate in making it happen.
The good news is that you CAN and do choose to make choices at any time. It's scary to be proactive, but probably not as risky in the long run.
My older daughter left for college a few weeks ago and is now well on her path to independent living. Thanks to her sister driving a point right into my heart, I was able to be fully present with the whole family as she started this new journey. I was able to make a choice that is fulfilling and honors what is really important to me.
My Wish for You
- Find someone to help articulate what you need to hear.
- Make the choice to choose.
- Take time to really visit your values and see where you are living them and where you might be stepping on them.
- Take care of yourself and what is truly important to you.
rbc
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