Coaching by Stillwater Blog

Time to ask for feedback

Today I was talking with someone about "psychometric tools." She asked which psychometric tools I use in my coaching. I've had access and used 360's, DISC, MBTI. I've experienced these and many more and I really enjoyed them. They're interesting. But are they really essential to gaining new insights that support making a shift in performance for an individual?

What's your experience with psychometric tools?

Are they crucial for a coach to use or should a coach work with the leader to learn how to seek and obtain the information they need to be most effective?

When are these tools most appropriate?

The Shocker!

I remember the first 360 I had while working at 3M. I was shocked at the responses from my direct reports.

In reality, I shouldn't have been.

As a leader, I was very aware that they were not happy with me or their jobs. I had been promoted into the position, one of them felt he was far more qualified and deserving of the position than me. He probably was. 

The 360 was a reflection on the feedback providers as well as me. This 360 was really a snapshot of those relationships. When I look at what going on at the time, I wasn't being authentic. I wasn't honoring the people who depended on me, nor was I honoring my values.

The big learning for me is that this information was available to me all along. All I needed to do was ask. I needed to learn to be more engaged with my employees and peers. The 360 served as a wake up call, but my reaction to the feedback probably wasn't the most productive response either.

Quite frankly, the information I've received from these instruments primarily served to confirm what I already knew about myself, including the "blind spots" and "hidden talents." I've generally found the same is true for the people I've coached.

There are some cases where clients have been absolutely dumbfounded by the feedback, but that's because no one ever took the time or dared talk with them directly. In talking with them, they've worked very hard at seeing only the information which confirms their self image and deny anything that might undermine it.

When discussing the 360 feedback, each person could clearly identify the incidents that led to the feedback. Even with that, some denied the "validity" of the feedback. So how useful is the tool if the client chooses to ignore the feedback?

Getting to the Point 

The most useful and growth focused feedback I've received has been directly from people with whom I've develop a very open and trusting relationship. I've had great relationships with supervisors, peers, direct reports and coaches. The feedback that comes through them, often challenging and sometimes tough to take has landed more effectively and given me the motivation to work toward being more effective and aware of those things I'm not great at.

This feedback has always been available to me. I believe the key thing for an effective leader is to learn to get effective feedback it without having to resort to a self assessment or a questionnaire behind which the learner and the feedback provider can hide.

My coaching clients learn the skills of seeking feedback and building the kinds of relationships where they can have the candid dialog they need for personal growth.

Give me your feedback.

Thank you

Can you really make a substantial change?

Let me start by saying, "Yes!"

The extent to which people make substantial changes in their lives and careers always astounds me. It also makes me wonder why others say they want to but don't.

There are some fundamental questions that seem to come up time and time again.

• What plays do we run over and over that keep us playing small?
• When are those breakthrough moments that make all the difference?
• How much do we let the environment we're in act on us and how do we choose to act on it?
• What structures are in place to support us when we choose to change?

Let me express a few of my beliefs. These are things I claim based on my experiences.

• Each one of us was created with an inherent dignity that calls us to live with a special purpose that is infused in us and is bigger than ourselves.
• We are "social beings" designed to live in community and can achieve so much more with others than we can when we are on our own.
• There is something in our nature that pulls us toward our higher purpose.

Yet, we are creatures of habit and practice.

The way we carry ourselves, our internal rules for how we govern ourselves and how we seek support and to support others really impacts our ability to make substantial change in our lives. Much of how we act today is based on a lifetime of practice in our selftalk, our interactions and "rehearsals" in the moment.

So what can you do?

Make a choice - make a BIG choice recognizing that when you choose something, you are saying no to something else.

Be committed to that choice. I know what it's like to make half hearted commitment. It gets you half hearted results. Yuck!

If you want to make a substantial change, practice that change. Rehearse, play it over and over in your mind. 

Shore up your support mechanisms. Get someone to be on your side, to hold you accountable to achieving your own dreams, someone who will push and believe in you like you've never experienced before.