Coaching by Stillwater Blog

What Is the Reason for Your Hope?

The headlines are creating all sorts of anxiety. Gasoline prices are "setting records again" according to the new channels. Food prices are climbing, companies are cutting costs through layoffs and severing relationships with suppliers.

It can be frightening.

Yet, there are reasons for hope.

Where do you find hope? What provides you the drive to move forward? Who do you look to in order to provide encouragement and keep you focused on successes?

Look to yourself

Take the time on a daily basis to write out your "accomplishments list." This should be a list of things that you've actually completed. Think about this list in terms of what have you done today that you are proud of. What things did you do to contribute to your organization, to your family, to the common good?

Look to others

Do you have a support network? If you aren't working to cultivate and nurture your network of friends and associates, you may be wasting one of the most important resources you have. Take time to reach out to someone you haven't talked to in over 24 months. They'll be glad to hear from you.

Do you have a mentor or a coach? Top performers, even while they are at the top of their game rely on the valued relationships with mentors and coaches.

Look to the Future

So often people withdraw during tough times. They get blind to opportunity because they focus on the difficulties. Difficulties are the flip side of opportunity. Learn to see things from multiple perspectives and then to focus on moving into action.

Is there someplace else you know you should look for hope? I would bet there is. Take some time in silence to open yourself to understanding that source of hope.  

Confidence in Scary Times

The other night there was a news report that more than 230,000 U.S. jobs had been lost in the first quarter of 2008. That’s more than 70,000 per month. If you have never been through a layoff, you’ve experienced the impact of it. These numbers remind me of how common an experience it is.

It can be scary and really shake your confidence. If you are one of the people selected to be laid off, you may start to question your own personal worth. Why you were picked versus someone else? There is an echoing of all sorts of self talk that can impact your confidence and how you move forward.

If you are one of those who escaped the most recent round of layoffs, your situation can be tough as well. You may wind up with the left over work that still needs to be done by those left behind. There is always the looming threat of yet another layoff and wondering if you will be next.

So what do you do? Hunker down and keep a low profile – that could work against you. Start looking for another job...just in case - that could be like jumping from the frying pan into the fire.

Internal Support Structure

In times like this it is important to build and maintain your support structure. Make a decision to live your life as you want. Living from choice and confidence frees you from so many worries.

Know yourself

One of the first steps is to really get anchored in who you truly are. Recognize that you are a marvelous creation, a human being that has dignity and worth that is beyond any price tag. No matter what any one individual sees in you or says about you, you have unique gifts that you are called to share.

A few questions you may want to explore are:

• What is truly important to you?
• What are your values?
• Who are you as a person?
• What is it that you uniquely bring to the world?
• What are your skills and talents, that when unleashed really help you to shine?
• What is it you want to accomplish in life?
• How can this current situation lead you to your aspirations in ways you never expected?

There is so much value in being able to talk with someone about these questions and many more. Look for a friend, coach or mentor who will listen to you intently and be there fully as you explore.

Getting Candid Feedback

Yikes! Getting truthful and candid input on performance...what's that like?

A coach can help clients seek accurate and effective information from others so the client can develop and grow.

Why Not Ask?

I’ve had several clients ask about using “360’s” to get feedback from their manager, peers and direct reports. My question is, “if you want accurate information from these people, why don’t you go directly to them and ask?”

A strong leader needs to seek and get effective input on their leadership style so they can quickly learn and apply. A 360 might be a good starting place for some. But why not have the candid dialog that gets the information you desire?

Effective leaders foster the kinds of conversations that allow people share what they are seeing and how the leader might be more effective.

Ineffective leaders train people to not share information. Messages like “the leader is always right,” “only share good news” and “there are consequences if someone rocks the boat” stifle candid input.

In many organizations, people believe that being candid is risky at best and can result in terrible consequences at its worst.

So, if you’re looking for feedback in an environment like that, it’s tough to get.

What do you do?

Make it okay for others to give you the kind of direct input you seek. This may require some simple changes in your behavior. It is well worth the effort.

A First Simple Step:

When someone gives you feedback, critical or complimentary, top coaches require their clients to simply say, “Thank you.”

No explanations

No discussion or comments

No “yeah but…”

Simply and sincerely say, “Thank you for the feedback.”

Look To the Future:

Next, when seeking “feedback” don’t look back, look forward. Marshall Goldsmith is one of the leading executive coaches describes a process called “Feed Forward.” http://www.marshallgoldsmith.com/articles/article.asp?a_id=3

It’s an incredibly powerful approach. Rather than asking people how you could have improved on something from the past, you simply ask for suggestions about how to improve performance in the future. Ask the person, “What should I do in the future to be better in that aspect of my interactions?”

Once they provided the input, repeat the first, simple step – say, “Thank you.”

Act on It:

“Feedback/Feed Forward” is a gift. Don’t squander it. Take it in, don’t just dismiss it. Act on it. Then go back to the person who gave you the gift and share what you’ve done and how it’s working. Then ask for more insights.

Get support:

Most of us are really not very good at self evaluation. You want people who will give you the straight story and not sugar coat issues so much you miss the point. The problem with most friends, family and co-workers is that you’ve probably already formed a “safe relationship” that doesn’t allow certain things to be said.

Find people who will shoot straight. It may be an executive coach, a former colleague, or if you are so blessed, a friend, family member, direct report or boss who is upfront.

If you want to experience what it’s like to an advocate that really cares that you truly living with purpose and isn’t afraid to hold you accountable, try a coach. Most coaches, including me, will give you a free sample session. It is a unique experience and well worth your time.