No Space for Resentment

The news is filled with angry people injured by one injustice or another. Who do you blame? How do you get even? It isn’t uncommon to hear something to the effect that “I’m angry and someone needs to pay!” Maybe it’s part of the political climate, but I believe it’s more fundamental.

During the past few weeks, the theme of “forgiveness” has been popping up everywhere for me. I’ve wondered for days what this was about.

A TV program exposes how a family cannot get beyond a wrong and want vengeance. The program seems to encourage the resentment.

A friend was recently laid off from work, another was advised of a demotion. “You should be thankful you still have a job” was the message from yet another company to the workers who didn’t get any raises. A co-worker inadvertently slights another and starts a long lasting feud of mistrust.

Even in politics we see example after example of a politician who admits making a mistake, yet the press and opponents are not about to let it drop. Then others seem to be adept at skirting an issue.

Maybe it’s a premonition of something that will need forgiving. I am certain that I need to be forgiven and I certainly need to forgive. It almost goes without saying.

What happens when you don’t forgive? What happens when you don’t seek to be forgiven or are not forgiven for something you’ve done?

I’ve talked with a several people laid off a number of years ago from one employer. Most have moved on and have found themselves doing better than if they had stayed. Unfortunately, there are still some who hold on to the perceived injustice they have suffered.

They use every opportunity to denounce the company, former managers and leaders. There are people like this in almost any organization. You’ll find websites, blogs and discussion boards populated with anonymous former and current employees who deride and second guess every decision company management takes. Their attacks are often personal and clearly bitter.It seems to be an attempt to satiate the unquenchable thirst for revenge.

The problem is that pent up anger and resentment spills over to other areas of life. In turn, if we continue to hold on to anger and resentment, it causes others to doubt our ability to move on. Sometimes our own bitterness and anger traps us. We remain imprisoned until we unlock the door and open ourselves to forgiveness. No one else can do it for us.

• Are there resentments you are holding on to?
• What is the resentment really about? How might you be stuck in one perspective about the situation?
• Is resentment impacting other parts of your life?
• If you looked at the situation differently, what might it look like?

Exploring different ways of looking at a situation can suddenly open all sorts of positive and powerful possibilities.

Are you willing to let go, forgive and try to see things differently. Sometimes it is really difficult. Find someone to support you as you move beyond the hurt.

Comments

[Terri]

A favorite quote of mine that I use so often I have forgotten who should get the credit for it:
"Withholding forgiveness is the poison we take ourselves in hopes of harming the other person."

Terri